November Bonus Review: Blue Beetle 1-36

One of the most recent super hero films centres around Jaime Reyes aka The Blue Beetle. To be frank, I haven’t watched the film and I don’t really plan on it. It’s very likely they did what Hollywood always does and changed a bunch of aspects of the character to make him fit better into a generic Hollywood hero story. What I am going to look at is the Blue Beetle Comics. To be specific, the original run of Jaime Reyes as the Blue Beetle from May of ’06 to February of ’09.

Story:

We open with our hero crashing into the desert where he’s promptly attacked by Guy Gardner. You may know him as nobody’s favourite Green Lantern. We get a flashback explaining how Jaime disappeared and what happened to him during Infinite Crisis. Gardner eventually backs off when he finds out that Jaime is just a kid and our hero makes his way home only to discover that he’s been missing for a full year. He tells his parents and sister the entire truth of where he’s been and what’s happened to him. Now, he has to take up the heroic mantle passed on by the late Ted Kord and discover the truth behind the scarab that’s made a home in his spine.

As a whole, this series holds up extraordinarily well. The respect they pay to Kord’s legacy is admirable. The whole story line with the Reach is brilliantly handled. The uneasy stalemate betwixt Jaime and La Dama is really compelling. The series also manages some really funny moments like Jaime not noticing Supergirl’s giant S because his mum taught him not to stare or his ultimate power fantasy or his mum giving a verbal lashing to Guy Gardner after seeing the giant green fist behind his back. Yet it blends those moments of humour with some very touching, heart-warming moments like Jaime flying with his grandma or his little sister getting over her fear and trying to comfort him when he shows vulnerability. This series of comics manages that delicate balance of tension, seriousness, comedy and genuine moments that only the best comic writers have hit perfectly. Giffen, Rogers and Sturges stand alongside Claremont, Simone, Wolfman & Perez in that regard.

Characters:

One of the rather unique things about this series is that Jaime is completely open and honest with his family as well as his close friends. Which results in him having an incredible supporting cast. His major antagonists are also pretty unique. La Dama is highly sympathetic when you see how much she loves her niece and her attempts at being a better person for her. The Reach may have the most friendly yet insidious invasion plan of all time.

Art:

The artwork in this is really good. There are a lot of different artists who work on the series with the longest running being Rafael Albuquerque but all of them do a really good job. The action panels generally flow well and the character art looks great.

Final Thoughts:

This is among the best comic runs I’ve ever read. It stands alongside Chris Claremont’s work with various mutants, Simone’s works with Wonder Woman, Birds of Prey & Secret Six or Wolfman & Perez’s take on the Teen Titans. While there are some issues that are slightly less amazing than others, I’m giving the thirty six issue run as a whole a 10/10.

January Bonus Review: Spider-man the animated series

Spider-man is one of the biggest Marvel super heroes out there and one of the most mistreated when you look at events like One More Day and Dying Wish. But before those events were terrible ideas that got green-lit due to what I like to call dumbass editors, the character was highly beloved and got a lot of attention in video games, spin-offs and adaptations. The one I’m looking at today started airing in 1994 and followed the success of the masterpiece X-men cartoon that began airing two years prior. This will be the third Spidey cartoon I’ve looked at after Unlimited and Spectacular Spider-man. Let’s hope it’s also the best.

Story:

Peter Parker used to be an average student until he was bitten by a radioactive spider and gained spider powers. After the tragic death of his uncle Ben he learned that he had to use those powers responsibly. We all know the origin by now. The main difference in this particular cartoon is that they tie it into an experimental science called Neogenics which also ties into a lot of the villain origins and story arcs within the cartoon.

The biggest issue with the writing in the cartoon is that they repeat the whole “My uncle Ben used to tell me, with great power there must also come great responsibility” line a lot and there are several flashbacks with him that get shown a lot as well. Now, I do understand it from a character perspective. This is Peter’s mantra and the flashbacks are showing defining moments from his life. However, it can get tiring from a viewing perspective. Especially when you’re watching multiple episodes in a row. The Secret War event in this is also over-simplified. A big part of what made the comic version so good is that it separated characters based on their motivations in this it’s just Good vs Evil with no real definition for the terms.

With that out the way, there are a lot of elements that make this a stellar Spider-man cartoon. A lot of its events are solid adaptations of comic events. It has some very intense moments like the whole Man-Spider arc or the Daredevil appearance where Peter gets accused of treason. The series starts out being episodic before doing the same thing as the X-men cartoon where there are ongoing plots and episodes may or may not be connected to them. Which doesn’t work as well with this as it did in that cartoon but it comes close.

Characters:

There’s a pretty significant cast. In addition to Spidey’s side cast with Aunt May, Harry Osborn, Mary Jane, Felicia Hardy, Jonah Jameson, Robbie, Terry Lee and Dr. Mariah Crawford there’s a massive rogue’s gallery and a lot of side characters who appear to help Spidey out of various situations including the X-men, Daredevil, The Punisher, Captain America and Nick Fury. Especially Nick Fury, he’s a semi-regular character. Most of them are handled really well in terms of their characterisation. It’s also worth noting that, unlike Unlimited, Spidey himself is excellently written in this. He’s quick-witted, clever and delivers some fantastic one liners. Unlike the fucking Phys Ed “quip” from Unlimited. The Black Cat is also an amazing character in this.

The Fantastic Four is a bit of an exception. This cartoon has the same problem as a lot of Silver Age comics where it unintentionally makes Dr. Doom look like an amazing leader and the good old FF looks kind of petty. I mean, he creates an idyllic society on the alien planet the Beyonder drops them on and gives The Thing the ability to transform into his normal, human self.

Art:

The artwork in this blends traditional and CG elements and they don’t always work well together. There are also some noticeable art mistakes and it’s worth noting that the X-men don’t exactly look like they do in their own series when they appear here. Every character is just a bit off and it’s a bit weird. You’d think they could use the X-men cartoon, which had already been running for years, as an example. The Punisher is another weird one. Normally he wears black with his skull emblem but in this cartoon they give him a bright teal outfit for some reason.

With that being said, this cartoon largely looks good. Spidey, his rogue’s gallery, and most of the side characters look like their comic counter-parts. The animation flows well and a lot of the action sequences are appropriately intense and neat looking. Even though it does that American cartoon thing where bullets are replaced by laser beams. Which I maintain is bizarre for a country that’s so obsessed with real life guns.

Sound:

The acting in this is pretty solid. Christopher Barnes, Sara Ballantine, Jennifer Hale, Linda Gary, Majel Barret, Jim Cummings, David Warner, Mark Hamill and many other talented voice actors worked on this. The only real criticism I have is that there are a few very intense moments where Barnes goes overboard. A great example being the notorious “Get Back here Shocker! Shocker, you can’t escape me, I’ll chase you to the ends of the Earth.” line during the symbiote story arc. The music is fantastic. The theme tune in particular rocks.

Areas of Improvement:

1. Fewer flashbacks or more varied flashbacks would have been nice.
2. Give the Punisher his proper costume. Teal is such a weird colour to use. Especially when the character is supposed to be operating low profile.
3. Barnes should have used a bit more nuance during those intense, shouting scenes. The way he does it is just too much.

Final Thoughts:

While Spider-man the animated series isn’t on the level of, say, X-men or some other super hero cartoons, it’s still excellently done with strong episodes, a great sense of adventure, and the best depiction of Spidey himself that I can recall from any adaptation. Taken as a whole, I’ll give it a 9/10.

March Bonus Review: Ghost Rider

There are a lot of bad Marvel films out there. And one that seemed to sink with both audiences and critics was 2007’s Ghost Rider. Which seems odd because Ghost Rider shouldn’t be a hard character to handle well. He was a stunt motorcyclist who made a deal with a demon and gained supernatural powers which he uses to fight evil. Really not complicated. But let’s see how they screwed it up, or maybe they didn’t and the critics were being harsh for no legitimate reason.

Story:

The basic origin largely follows the comic. Johnny Blaze is a stunt rider who finds out his dad is dying of cancer, though in the comics it was his adoptive father and not his blood father but it’s close. In a desperate attempt to save his dad, he sells his soul to Mephisto and becomes the Ghost Rider. Now, the film does leave out the element that semi-protects Blaze and Mephisto just fucks off for no reason, spending years away. He returns later to send Blaze into action against Blackheart who’s trying to gain a contract that would give him amazing power.

There are a lot of problems with the film. First off, they give him a weird weakness he had for a very short time, the inability to transform during the day, only to have him overcome it during the climax for no adequately explored reason. It also really doesn’t make sense for Mephisto to just leave his new weapon alone for literal years. It feels like they didn’t want to deal with the whole Zarathos thing so they just opted to make that whole part of the origin plot nonsensical instead. The dialogue in this is also horrendously bad. It’s heavily stilted and outright cringey a lot of the time. It’s like watching alien entities who don’t know how to be human badly trying to mimic humanity based on soap operas. The romance subplot is just bad in general due partially to the dialogue, partially to the actors having no chemistry and partially to the writing in general being awkward.

There’s another issue with the climax. Mainly, the whole sequence with the “original” Ghost Rider. This whole thing makes no sense and contributes nothing. The original just shows up as a cryptic old man, uses the last of his powers to offer Blaze some emotional support and then fucks off. What’s the point? If it’s fan-service, it doesn’t make sense because anyone who knows about the original Ghost Rider character knows that he was just a cowboy in a costume with no supernatural elements and people who don’t know about Carter Slade will just be confused about why this cryptic old man is here to do absolutely nothing. The least they could have done would have been to let him use the last of his power getting a good hit against Blackheart. At least that would have given him a purpose.

Characters:

Johnny Blaze sucks in this. He comes across as a barely functional man-child. And it’s a little weird to see him have powers like the Penance Stare or the moving chain that Johnny Blaze didn’t have. Those were the powers of Dan Ketch’s version of Ghost Rider. His supporting cast really isn’t any better and the antagonists are just wet cardboard levels of flat.

Cinematography, Visuals & Effects:

The visual elements of this film are pretty bad. While there are some effects, like the Ghost Rider effect or the motorcycle transformation, that look kind of cool most of it is underwhelming at best. The action sequences gravitate towards being very short and one-sided. The riding sequences drag on far too long and quickly lose any impact they could have had. On another note, both Blackheart and Mephisto look like shit in this.

Now, if you look at the comics, Mephisto’s red skin, devilish smirk and pointed ears are iconic. It looks great. And if you look at Blackheart, his massive size, onyx flesh, glowing red eyes, tail and spikes make him look very powerful and threatening. If you look at the film version, in contrast, they just look like dudes. An old dude and an emo dude. They look very boring. Why do these films always feel the need to remove characters’ iconic looks and replace them with the blandest, most mundane shit imaginable?

Acting & Music:

The acting in this is terrible. Nick Cage’s performance is super wooden. Eva Mendes just doesn’t seem to care nor does Peter Fonda. Wes Bentley seems to be going into over the top, ham territory deliberately. With the lack of effort, I’m surprised they didn’t all just use stage names. The soundtrack is, by far, the best part of the film. They licensed some really good music for this one including Crazy Train & Who Do you Love.

Areas of Improvement:

1. The script desperately needs some believable dialogue.
2. The film needs to spend some time developing the characters and giving them some complexity.
3. Use some costumes for fucks sake. If they could make the Alien costume for Badejo in the late 70s, you could make Mephisto and Blackheart look like reasonable approximations of their comic counterparts in 2007.

Final Thoughts:

This film is absolute rubbish. The writing, effects, acting and characterisation are all poorly done. It’s really only worth watching if you can get a small group together that all enjoy making snarky commentary about bad films. My rating is going to be a 2/10.

December Bonus Review #2: Gargoyles 1-3

Gargoyles was a Disney cartoon that ran from late 1994 to early 1997. It was a popular cartoon and featured both Keith David and the better part of the main cast of Star Trek: Next Gen. It proved to be quite beloved and spawned toys, a video game that only Americans got and a 1995 comic. Which we’ll be looking at the first three issues of.

Story:

We open issue one with Detective Elisa Maza disguised as a construction worker when a robotic suit resembling a gargoyle appears. Fortunately, she’s rescued by Goliath and the pair realise that the robot has to be the work of Commander William T. Xanatos. Which is proven for them when Lexington finds out the construction company that’s having people attacked is owned by Xanatos. For the audience, it’s illustrated when we find out that the attacks are a ploy to find the gargoyles and to get subjects for genetic experiments. We also learn that the robot suit is being piloted by Counselor Demona Troi. In the second issue, Detective Maza’s investigation continues while Brooklyn, Broadway and Lexington are experimenting with tracking devices. The trio is on their way home when they witness a murder at a nightclub. Lexington intervenes, in spite of it being almost daylight and the three end up turning to stone in unsecure spots and being separated.

I don’t really have any big complaints about the writing. It’s like you’re reading an episode of the series that’s been separated into twenty two page segments. The only thing I can say against it is that it relies a bit overmuch on people having read the previous issues and on the idea that people will read the next. Which isn’t something you can always count on with comics. The comic is also definitely made for people who are already fans of the cartoon. If I was reading this without having seen the show, I’d be lost.

I’ll give Martin Pasko credit, he does a good job of capturing the essence of the series in a comic format. He also picks his ending moments well. Each issue gives you some tension going into the next issue. I also do find the overall narrative compelling. I’m definitely going to read the other eight issues of this run because I’m legitimately curious about where it’s going.

Characters:

Overall, Pasko does a good job of writing the characters with their quirks and traits intact. The one thing that’s curious is why Demona would work with Xanatos when she hates humans but, to the comics’ credit, our heroes do bring that up. They even go so far as to suggest that what Xanatos is doing is probably a threat to humankind if she’d go along with it. The only new characters you get in the first three issues are some generic mobsters and a nice old couple who insist on feeding Broadway for some reason. They work for the sake of the comic, but they’re not what you’d call memorable villains/ supporting characters.

Art:

Overall, Amanda Connor did a good job with the art. There is the occasional awkward facial expression or panel where Elisa’s pupils disappear and her eyes are just pure white for no reason but they aren’t exactly prevalent. The shading can also be awkward at times. There are quite a few panels where it looks like they just got lazy and decided to not bother with proper colours, instead opting to just shade it all the same colour. As a whole, the characters are drawn well and the action panels have a good flow. And the human proportions are significantly better than what you got in a lot of 90s comics. Remember, this was the time period where Rob Liefeld’s “art” was inexplicably popular and a lot of good artists were pretending they couldn’t draw to mimic him.

Areas of Improvement:

1. The issues could do with more satisfying moments. It feels like there’s a bit too much build up and not a lot of big moments in the individual issues.
2. Cleaner Art. Like I said, there aren’t many awkward panels but there are enough that it’s noticeable.
3. Go for more colours and less monotone. Having panels where everything is the same colour or shades thereof can work in very specific circumstances but in these comics it’s too frequent and doesn’t seem to serve an actual purpose.

Final Thoughts:

I’m going to give these three issues a solid 7/10. If you’re a fan of the Gargoyles cartoon, I’d say the comic is definitely worth checking out. If you’ve never seen it, I’d suggest watching it first because the comics don’t make much sense without having seen the show.

June Bonus Review Excalibur: The Sword is Drawn & #1-5

Excalibur was one of many groups that came out of the X-men. Back in the day, the group was very popular and you’d already seen the New Mutants and X-Factor. Let’s take a look at how the group started with Excalibur: The Sword is Drawn (1988) and look at the first five issues. (88-89)

Story:

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the X-men comics, I’ll briefly explain the events leading up to Excalibur. Basically, Nightcrawler and Shadowcat had both been injured and left on Muir Island, the rest of the X-men, along with Scott Summers’ wife Madelyne Pryor, seemingly sacrificed themselves to save the world. The group decided not to tell Kurt and Kitty that they were alive and well out of concern that they’d try to rejoin and exacerbate their injuries.

We open with Kitty Pryde having strange dreams about the believed dead X-men as actors and the lost Rachel Summers appearing to speak to her when the X-men peel back their skin and reveal themselves to be monstrous creatures called War Wolves. Meanwhile, Captain Britain’s lover, Meggan hears the news of Psylocke’s apparent death and finds Brian sitting in his costume and drinking. The group eventually comes together against a strange group of bounty hunters and the War Wolves from Kitty’s dream. Rachel suggests that they protect Xavier’s dream in much the same way as Arthur’s knights protected his and they become Excalibur.

Issues 1 and 2 place the group against the loose War Wolves. Issue 3 sees the team face off against The Juggernaut and some escaped prisoners. Issues 4 & 5 put them in Murderworld against Arcade and Captain Britain villains The Crazy Gang.

There are a lot of strong moments in these comics. Nightcrawler shaking Brian out of his drunken stupor & Rachel’s big speech that inspires the characters to group up both stand out from the special. Shadowcat deceiving and then bursting from a War Wolf stand out about the first two issues. As does the ending. Meggan standing up to the Juggernaut and then getting comforted by Nightcrawler stand out in the third. Then we have Shadowcat figuring out how to break Arcade’s plans and Lockheed guarding Arcade’s control console.

We also see all of Claremont’s signature strengths at play. He really excels at using every member of a group to their full potential and balancing things so that every character gets their moments and the “more powerful” characters don’t dominate things. He’s also fantastic at pacing, with some slower moments for build up and to allow the characters to reflect on things they’ve been through along with the more intense action sequences where we see our heroes in action. We also get a lot of build up for future stories with the implication that Rachel escaped from Mojo, some sequences involving Opal Saturnyne and the implication that Rachel is some kind of threat she wants to deal with and scenes with a strange robot head that causes a mutant child to vanish. It makes you want to read more and find out where he’s going with all of it.

It’s also interesting to see the team try and come to terms with living together, even though Captain Britain and Meggan don’t know the rest of the group all that well. And there is something compelling about seeing Kurt and Kitty try to overcome their problems while making a difference. With Nightcrawler finding his teleportation extremely limited and Shadowcat having trouble staying solid.

The one negative I’ll bring up is that Claremont doesn’t do the best job of showing The Crazy Gang as a threat. I mean, the group is basically made fools of by a normal human woman and then they only put up something of a fight by switching bodies with the members of Excalibur. Although, in all fairness, the comic does categorise them as inept. But it seems odd to bring in an entire group of villains just to use them for a one-off gag.

They also don’t have the strongest introduction. We see Tweedle -Dope in the first issue along with a poster, but we don’t know anything about them as characters. Unless you happen to be from the UK and have read the Captain Britain issues with them. But given that Excalibur was the first time the group was seen in America, it would have helped to get some background. And Juggernaut feels a bit under-used in his appearance. We get to see him toss Captain Britain around for a bit before being quickly shut down by Phoenix.

Characters:

The cast of heroes is really good. Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Phoenix, Captain Britain and Meggan are all interesting characters. Having three of them know each other really well and two of them be romantically involved also leads to some interesting dynamics and interactions. There’s an early implication that Kurt is attracted to Meggan but doesn’t want to get between her and Brian but she also seems to be attracted to him, subconsciously transforming to have skin and eyes like his and nearly kissing him at one point.

Rachel and Kitty also have a really interesting dynamic. With them being close to the same age but Rachel also being familiar with a much older Kitty Pryde from a dystopian future.

Art:

Alan Davis did the pencilling and Paul Neary did the inking. The pair worked on the art for all six issues and they did a really good job. The colouring is vibrant. The characters look good. The action flows well. About the only negative I have is that they have the common comic practice of only having backgrounds when they need to. So, a lot of panels just don’t bother. You do have to give them some leeway since they came out monthly and this was back when everything was drawn by hand.

Areas of Improvement:

1. Have stronger introductions for the Crazy Gang so that readers outside of the UK know what their deal is. Besides the obvious them being a group of loonies.
2. Let The Juggernaut do a bit more.
3. Backgrounds.

Final Thoughts:

These comics are pretty fantastic. They have strong characters, fantastic story-telling and a lot of build up for future adventures. If you’re a super hero fan, this is a series I would recommend getting into. It has a lot of heart and showcases just why Chris Claremont is one of the best writers in the business. As a group, I give them a 9/10.

December Bonus Reviews #3: House of M

It’s been a while since I talked about a badly written event comic by a talentless hack of a writer. In fact, I think the last one was Civil War last year. This time, the story was handled by Brian Michael Bendis, a man who has made a career out of writing comics without even a hint of quality to them. It was written as a follow up to Avengers Disassembled, Which is another horrendously bad event comic that I could spend a long time going off of. Maybe another time.

Story:

We open with the Scarlet Witch going steadily mad. The Avengers and X-men meet up to try and decide how to handle the situation. This causes her brother, Quicksilver, to panic under the assumption that they’re going to kill his sister. The combined teams are approaching Wanda when the world changes. It transforms into a world where mutants are the majority and not persecuted and the vast majority of people on both the X-men & Avenger teams find themselves with the lives they always wanted. Only Wolverine seems to remember the world as it was.

Now, I’m not going to go into all the terribly written retcons that make no sense like Lorna Dane being Magneto’s daughter or Wanda being able to alter the fabric of reality. Maybe if I ever review the comics that made those changes, but they didn’t originate here and I’m not going to expect it to just ignore bad continuity changes from elsewhere. Especially when there are so many badly written elements that form the core for this event to talk about.

Let’s start with the impetus. First off, it’s completely out of character for Quicksilver to panic and assume the worst. Just like it’s out of character for either the X-men or Avengers to even consider using lethal force on someone because their powers are out of control. But the worst of it may go to Magneto for reasons I’ll go into when I talk about characterisation.

Another problem comes with the plot convenience of the plot device child. She somehow remembers everything about the old world and is conveniently able to make other people remember. Man, aren’t we lucky that someone who can alter the entire planet left such a huge weakness to her new world? And no, I’m not accepting “she’s mentally unhinged” as a lazy excuse for it.

It’s also clear that Bendis doesn’t know shit about the X-men because he talks about Magneto abandoning the twins. He didn’t abandon them. For those who don’t know Magneto’s history, here’s the short version. He and his wife, Magda, were living in peace with their young daughter. An angry mob showed up at their house. Their daughter was murdered. Magneto’s powers went out of control and he completely wiped out the mob. Magda was terrified after seeing that side of him and fled while still in the early stages of pregnancy. Magneto didn’t realise she was pregnant but still searched for her in the hopes of reconciling but eventually had to give up. He didn’t abandon them, he didn’t know they existed until they were adults. And even then he didn’t know they were his children right away.

There’s also the pressing question over whether the new world is better than their old. Everything we see indicates that the lives of the various people on the team are pretty nice and comfortable. All evidence also suggests that the world itself is in pretty good shape. Humans aren’t even treated as badly as mutants are in the universe proper. But when leaving things as they are gets brought up, it’s lazily dismissed as “this world isn’t right” and “you’ll feel like a jerk later because you even suggested that.” Because Bendis isn’t smart or good enough of a writer to actually engage with that question. It’s like the old Silver Age comics that tried to showcase Doctor Doom as a villain by having one dude in a crowd of adoring citizens who disliked him. Even Magneto freaks out when he finds out and he’s basically been given a world where his dream is reality. This, naturally, leads to the lazy, rubbish ending where the majority of mutants lose their powers.

Characters:

Like with Civil War, I can’t go into every single character who’s out of character and how since they’re all taken out of character. Instead, I’ll go into the most egregious examples. Let’s start with the twins themselves. While Pietro can be impulsive, he’s also someone who’s known both the Avengers and the X-men for a long time. He would never assume the worst from them. Nor would he panic like that. If anything, he’s smart enough that he’d stay around and listen to their conversation to find out what they were actually going to do. Whereas Wanda’s conversion to a villain is just horribly handled and relies heavily on stereotypes of women as emotionally fragile and obsessed with motherhood.

Magneto might get it the worst. Not only is he willing to let them murder his daughter, which makes no goddamn sense given his back story, but he himself turns on and attacks his own children after finding out they’ve remade the world into one of his dreams. Because… how dare his children make his dream come true?

Honestly, for a lot of the characters it makes no sense for them to be fighting against the new world. Spidey is a beloved celebrity. His Uncle Ben is alive. He’s married to Gwen Stacey and they have a child together. Carol Danvers is America’s most popular hero. Hawkeye gets to be alive. Cyclops has the peaceful life he always wanted. Beast has a promising career as a scientist and doesn’t look like a refugee from a furry convention. But we’re expected to believe that every one of these people is willing to dismantle the world as it is because… it’s different?

Art:

The artwork is definitely the least shit aspect of the event. Yeah, the covers are kind of shit and there are several group shots where the characters just look awkward or squashed down but, ultimately, Coipel’s artwork is basically serviceable.

Final Thoughts:

I really hate this event. It builds off of what was already a terribly written mess of an event and makes it even worse. It has massive plot holes, lazy, unengaging story-telling and characters who are completely, grossly miss-characterised. If anything, it may even be slightly worse than Civil War. I’m giving it a 1/10.

January Bonus Review: Maximum Carnage

Maximum Carnage was a fourteen issue Spider-man event from ’93. It was written by Tom Defalco, J.M. DeMatteis, Terry Kavanagh & David Michelinie. It’s a rather divisive event with some calling it one of the last good comic events and others calling it the start of the era of trash events. So, I’ll give my thoughts on it as part of hero month.

Story:

We open with Cletus Kasady being taken for therapy at Ravencroft Asylum. Everyone assumes he’s powerless since the Carnage symbiote was destroyed. What they don’t know is that the symbiote mutated his very blood, allowing him to summon a copy. Which he does, breaking loose and massacring the staff. He runs into another inmate named Shriek, who he breaks out. The pair recruit some other villains and their little “family” goes around New York, while Spidey and several other heroes try to put an end to their killing spree.

My biggest issue with the event is that there are a lot of scenes that seem kind of repetitive. Yeah, I get what they’re going for. They’re trying to show how all of this is wearing at the heroes and how much difficulty they’re having. It just doesn’t have the best execution. The civilian casualties are also kind of weakly handled. Carnage and his group are basically killing a bunch of nameless fodder we have no reason to care about. On one hand, it is better than having them kill off characters we know and love, which is what would happen in a modern event like this. On the other hand, I’d like to see some mourners to give it some more impact and add some humanity to the victims.

There are definitely things I appreciate about the narrative too. I like that we don’t lose any of our heroes for a cheap, shock moment. I also like the general theme of holding onto hope when times are dark and finding the strength to overcome. Particularly when various heroes step forward to bring out the best in humanity when facing a group of violent rioters. That is a powerful scene. The back and forth with Spidey and his wife while they argue because she doesn’t want him to risk himself but he knows he can make a difference is really good. The way they foreshadow major events is solid.

Then there’s the whole element the story is about. Namely: should heroes stoop down to the level of villains in extreme circumstances? It’s important to remember that this was made in the early 90s when the trend of more “extreme” and dark heroes had already started. And this is a story that plays with that trend but also, ultimately, rejects the whole idea of it. Spidey questions the idea of just how far he and his comrades should go throughout the event and consistently argues against taking lethal action. Then he reaches his lowest point and he almost asks his amazing friend, Firestar, to take Carnage’s life. But he pulls back and realises that it’s the wrong approach. As heroes, they have to stand for something greater. Even when facing a mass murdering psychotic like Carnage. And that’s an uplifting epiphany. I like the way the topic gets explored a lot.

Characters:

I’ve already mentioned how well Spidey & MJ’s marital discussions work. Although I haven’t said fuck modern Marvel for retconning that out of existence yet. There are other characters to discuss though. There’s an effort to humanise our villains, in spite of all the murder and mayhem they’re responsible for. Which is a nice touch but it’s one of those cases where the execution is the lazy “they had rotten childhoods” types for both Carnage & Shriek. Doppelganger, Demogoblin and Carrion have the same basic motives they do in the regular comics. One is overly simple-minded, one has a misguided view of being on a holy crusade and the other is the victim of a virus. Which is something.

Our major heroes are Spidey, Venom, The Black Cat, Cloak & Dagger. We also get appearances from Firestar, Deathlok (nice to see Deathlok being used), Morbius, Iron Fist, Nightwatch and Captain America before modern Marvel made him a Nazi. Fuck modern Marvel for that too. The heroes are handled pretty well. The point where Cap makes his appearance is kind of brilliant since he’s kind of used as a beacon of hope and heroism when things are looking bleak but it’s not heavy-handed and he doesn’t just fix everything. I will say, Nightwatch is kind of pointless in this. His entire reason for being around seems to be to participate in two fight sequences and rescue Morbius before escaping. Although it’s still far better than what he was subjected to when modern Marvel decided he needed to be resurrected and turned evil. Fuck modern Marvel.

Art: 

One issue I have with the artwork is that it’s not consistent and some of the artists who worked on it are clearly better than others. Mark Bagley’s work is good. Tom Lyle’s work is good. Sal Buscema’s work is more than a little awkward looking. This guy might get the facial expression right once in every three panels where you can see a face. And that’s generous. It also does have some of the bad 90s art tropes starting to emerge at various points, like everyone being on their toes so the artists don’t have to draw feet properly or scenes being covered with shadows to an absurd degree but there aren’t that many moments like that all things considered.

Areas of Improvement:

1. Some work to humanise the victims. Like I said, I’d show some scenes with mourners. Maybe have that instead of some of the more repetitive scenes.
2. Cut out Nightwatch and Morbius. Honestly, these two don’t do much in the event and it’s a bit annoying to have scenes where Morbius has to abandon a rescue mission or fuck off for multiple issues because it’s day time.
3. Develop the humanity of the villains a bit more. I like the idea they were going with, but the execution was mediocre and you know these writers could have done better because they did with so many other elements.

Final Thoughts:

I will say, without any question, I agree more with the people who absolutely love this event than I do with the ones who hate it. It takes emerging trends and it tackles them in a way that’s subversive and clever. Its themes are, largely, well handled. There’s a lot about it that’s just good. It does, however, have its definite flaws. Its moments of lazy writing, 90s art and good ideas they don’t bother developing. So, I wouldn’t put it nearly on par with something like The Secret Wars but I would go so far as to call it good. I’ll give it a 7/10.

December Bonus Review #1: Star Trek: Next Gen/ X-men Second Contact

Some crossover ideas just don’t work even when you hear them. Like combining Final Fantasy with random Disney worlds or having The Looney Tunes, Muppet Babies, Ninja Turtles, Smurfs, Winnie The Poo, Chipmunks, Garfield and Alf all combine forces to talk about Marijuana or having Archie meet the Ninja Turtles. On the surface, this seems slightly better than those but not like something that could work well. I love Star Trek: Next Gen and I have a great fondness for the X-men. The book was brilliant for that decade when Chris Claremont was writing it. However, they just don’t seem like they’d mesh well. But let’s take a look, maybe it’s better than it sounds.

Story:

We open with the Enterprise crew returning to their time after the events of First Contact. But something goes askew and they end up in the past. They detect Shi’ar technology and realise that, not only shouldn’t it be there, but it’s their only hope of repairing their ship and returning home. This leads them to the X-men who happen to recognise the Enterprise name from that time they met the original series crew.

The two groups are approached by Kang who warns them that there are anomalies thanks to the Enterprise crossing over from another time and universe. They decide that even though he’s known to be evil, they can’t take the risk and set out to fix things.

Therein lies the first big problem with this crossover, Kang is lying. Yeah, that’s perfectly in keeping with his character but the Enterprise crew has Counsellor Deanna Troi on it. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Next Gen, Counsellor Troi is half Betazoid. They’re an alien species that can read the minds of most species. As a half blood, she can’t read minds properly but she is an empath and she can sense things like, say, when someone’s deceiving her. There are several episodes where that comes up as an important plot point and she should sense immediately that Kang is lying to them but she doesn’t cause the whole plot of them travelling to Wolf 359 from Star Trek and the X-men’s Days of the Future Past wouldn’t happen if her abilities were working as they should. Shadowcat gets the same kind of treatment. At one point she phases through a Sentinel and they forget that she short-circuits machinery when she phases through it.

Another issue is just that the whole situation is a bit boring. They meet, decide to work together, fight some threats that should be kind of menacing but come across as kind of weak given how easily they’re dispatched. It all comes across as more than a little rushed. Although I will give them some credit for trying to give both teams equal time in the spotlight.

Characters:

Both of these casts should be great, in theory. Unfortunately, the writing from Abnett and Edgington doesn’t do them justice. They come across as pretty bland. And some characters, like Angel, don’t get to do or say anything. I’m not even kidding. Angel is there, but he seems to spend all his time in the background just standing around. I don’t recall him even getting a line of dialogue. Doctor Crusher doesn’t fare much better. They also don’t do much with the characters interacting. They go on missions together, sure, but they don’t talk much beyond very strict, business stuff. If I were someone who really wanted to read this crossover thinking it might be good, I would be very disappointed.

Art:

The artwork has its moments. The characters in general look decent enough. As do the backgrounds and action sequences. One issue with it is that the dialogue balloon placement isn’t the best and it can be challenging to figure out who’s supposed to be talking in large group shots. Maybe that’s where all of Angel’s dialogue is. There’s also a big artwork fail in a panel with Banshee and Commander Riker. To put it simply, they’re exchanging some dialogue while Banshee is clearly using his powers. For those who don’t know, Banshee’s power is a sonic scream. He literally can’t use it and talk at the same time. It would be like Cyclops shooting his optic blasts while reading.

Areas of Improvement:
This one is going to be a challenge, because I honestly don’t know how to make this a good crossover using what’s presented as a base. If I was writing something completely on my own, maybe I could manage it. So, I’ll kind of have to settle for suggestions that might have made it somewhat passable.

1. Reworking Kang’s Villainy. Honestly, I would have him use a combined force of Sentinels and Borg drones to steal the Shi’ar tech. You could keep the same villains, give both teams a reason to go after him and you wouldn’t need to drag a bunch of extra characters in just so they could have a cameo.
2. Let the Teams Chat. This comic could be way more interesting if the X-men and Enterprise crew had some real banter. Wolverine and Worf could talk about what it means to be a warrior. Storm and Captain Picard could talk about what his future’s stance on mutants might be. Shadowcat could talk tech with Geordi, or at least try to because I doubt he’d give her any real information even though she’s an enthusiastic nerd when it comes to technology. Having more banter would really liven the story up.
3. Give Angel and Doctor Crusher something to do. Seriously, if you’re going to be bothered putting them in, let them do something.

Final Thoughts:

Second Contact isn’t dreadful. It has pretty decent art, mostly. And there’s clearly effort put into making it an equal crossover. Unfortunately, the details are off, which puts in some pretty significant plot holes. The teams have weak interactions which, in turn, makes the characterisation come across as weak. But hey, maybe the actual novel they advertise at the end as a continuation is better. This comic is pretty bad though. I give it a 3/10.

July Bonus Review: Secret Six- Villains United

The original Secret Six goes all the way back to the late 60s and used a bunch of characters who most people wouldn’t recognise. The team was revived two decades later for its second arc. But we’re looking at the third incarnation from the mid 2000s written by Gail Simone. This particular collection includes Villains United #1-6, Villain United: Infinite Crisis Special #1 & Secret Six #1-6. 

Story:

We open with a bunch of big name villains, including Deathstroke, Talia Al Ghul, Lex Luthor & Black Adam, gathering everyone they possibly can into a Society of villains. Their purpose is simple, prevent any heroes from crossing over the line and erasing their minds like they did to Doctor Light in a stupid retcon for a shit comic.

We’re introduced to the first of our major characters, Catman, when he refuses an offer from Doctor Psycho and Talia. Psycho is furious since Catman’s been basically a joke for years. We cut to a small group: Deadshot, Scandal Savage, Cheshire, one of Darkseid’s Parademons, Ragdoll & The Fiddler, fighting some H.I.V.E agents. They complete the operation and the Fiddler is deemed unworthy, resulting in Deadshot straight up murdering him. They need a sixth member, which turns out to be the aforementioned Catman. Now these six less than well known villains under the guidance of the mysterious Mockingbird find themselves at odds with a massive society of villains.

At least, that’s the first arc of the collection. The second deals with Vandal Savage deciding that it’s time for his daughter to pump out some babies. Because he wants those grandchildren. Neither she nor her girlfriend, Knockout, take kindly to the notion.

The writing in this  is, frankly, really stellar. Especially considering it’s working off of something as shit as Identity Crisis. In a sense, it’s the ultimate underdog scenario. Not only are these villains fighting against much bigger villains, but they’re villains who are largely regarded as C-list, at best. And the situations they find themselves in don’t have the usual, obvious comic solutions. Things happen that you would never expect especially if you’re used to comic conventions. I guess that’s the advantage of using unconventional characters. And these aren’t twists that come out of nowhere, Simone does a good job of building up to them. She just makes it vague enough that you aren’t sure what exactly the build up is for until you see it.

About the only thing I take some issue with is the use of character death. This is something I’m critical of in comics as a whole. I don’t like seeing characters die cheaply. I don’t like seeing them resurrected cheaply. In this case, we see quite a few characters killed off. To be fair, most of them are characters who weren’t being used and were unlikely to show up in anything else. In some cases, like The Fiddler, we even see their legacy passed on. I still can’t help but see it as taking part in a very negative trend, even if it handles it better than the vast majority of comics.

Characters:

Simone has a difficult task in this story. She has to build up these characters that you probably don’t give a shit about going into the story in a way that keeps them villainous but also makes them relatable enough for you to have some investment in what happens with them. Fortunately, Gail Simone is easily one of the best comic writers out there and she does a fantastic job of doing that.

The characters are heavily flawed. They do some very questionable things but they have enough complexity to them that they are interesting to read about and, perhaps more importantly, they have likeable traits. And one of them is a freaking nameless Parademon.

They also have strong dynamics. Deadshot and Catman start developing a strong friendship that neither one will likely ever call a friendship. Scandal and Knockout are kind of adorable in their relationship. The Parademon and Ragdoll have an interesting dynamic. Cheshire and Catman have a lot of intrigue betwixt them. And those are just the stand out dynamics. really, any two major characters who are part of the six together will have something interesting to their interactions.

Art: 

The artist changes throughout. We have Dale Eaglesham, Val Semeiks & Brad Walker for the pencillers. All three do great work. this is a well drawn series of comics. The colourists, including Paul Mounts, Rob Schwager & Guy Major also deserve credit because the colours in this are also damn good. The action sequences are dynamic with a strong sense of flow. The characters look great, it’s just strong work all around.

Final Thoughts:

Secret Six- Villains United is pretty phenomenal. Thirteen comics and they’re all great reads. I would certainly recommend it for any comic book fans and my final rating is going to be a 9/10.

December Bonus Review #2: Civil War

 

I’ve talked about two big comic events, not including Marvel vs DC. One was average, the other really damn good. Since I talked about DC for the more average event and Marvel for the really superb one, it seems only fair to talk about Marvel again for the event that’s actively shit. Wouldn’t want to be accused of favouring one company over the other. Back in mid ’06, Marvel started an event headed by writer Mark Millar. It went on for about half a year and it has a lot of severe problems. Some of which relate to continuity while others are just with the content of the story even when divorced from all those issues it has in the context of the greater Marvel universe. I’m talking, of course, about Civil War. Why is this event such hot garbage? Let’s take a look. Like with Blackest Night, I’m not going to cover all the tie-ins, just the main event itself. So, keep that in mind.

Story:

In the light of a tragedy the American government decides to curtail some freedoms and force people with super human abilities to register and work for the government in an official capacity. This results in heroes being split with those who believe in surrendering freedom going head to head with those who want to keep it. Stupid shite follows.

Let’s start with the very first narrative problem. The reasoning behind the registration act is nonsensical. So, we have an accident when the New Warriors are being completely out of character and they get into an altercation with Nitro, resulting in him going boom and killing a bunch of kids. And the American government decides that the best way to prevent accidents like this is through superhuman registration. First off, the New Warriors have identities and powers that are known. They’re on reality television. As does Nitro. He’s certainly been arrested enough. It’s almost like knowing the real names and powers of super humans does nothing. Secondly, there have been super human battles in the Marvel universe with a lot more civilian casualties. Remember Maximum Carnage? How about Inferno? It’s almost like this incident is turned into a massive deal for incredibly flimsy reasons to excuse a really stupid event. That’s exactly what’s happening.

Another issue is with the extreme over reactions on the part of the pro-registration side. First, we have the head of SHIELD decide to have Captain America arrested when he hasn’t done anything wrong. He seriously just says that he will not hunt down his friends who refuse to register. At that point he hasn’t even decided to fight against it himself. As strange as that is, given how much Cap loves freedom. The same thing happens with Spidey later on. He tells Tony off and says outright that he’ll still work with SHIELD, but that he won’t fight Cap’s team or be a part of the Avengers. So, they open fire on him and send super villains to beat the shit out of him. Even though he’s already registered and is in full compliance with the law.

Speaking of the registration law, let’s talk about that mess. This event tries to turn it into an actual debate by comparing registering super powers to getting a gun license. The problem is that it fails to work on multiple levels. First of all, someone chooses to buy a gun. Most heroes in the MU didn’t choose to get super powers.. Secondly, they don’t just want to register them, they also want to force them to work for the government. At that point it would be like getting licensed to carry a gun and then being forced to work for the military because you own a gun. And we see with those aforementioned examples of Cap & Spidey that the heroes actually have no choice in the matter of working for the government. Because if they fail to follow orders they’ll have agents ordered to arrest them and get shot at. I’m pretty sure there’s a term for being forced to do labour against your will and that term is slavery.

In other arenas where the pro-registration side is made up of rusty old cock rings, these guys come across as cartoonishly evil. They build a robotic clone of Thor, which murders Bill Foster in cold blood. They keep using the damn thing too. Yeah, use the unstable construct that just killed one of your friends. That’s a great idea. They construct a prison in the Negative Zone. For those of you not familiar with the Negative Zone, it’s a dimension in the Marvel Universe where exposure to it causes severe depression. Yeah, let’s give our friends and comrades severe depression with all the trauma that comes with. They also bring in a bunch of psychotic super villains to work with them and hunt down the resisting heroes.

You want something else extremely stupid? We’re told that ninety percent of the American people support this measure. There is nothing out there that ninety percent of people will support. You could have an initiative to give everybody some free chocolate and you’d get more dissenters than that. If the measure was just about registration, you might be able to manage a high number, but even then ninety percent would be absurd. Once you add the forced labour, there’s no fucking way. I have to give Americans credit enough to assume that ninety percent would not support slavery.

Let’s talk about Bill Foster’s death a bit more because this is absolutely atrocious. First off, he dies pointlessly for cheap shock value. Secondly, they wrap his body in chains. So, in an event about forcing super humans into slavery they kill off a black guy and then wrap him up in chains. Either this is a really unsubtle visual metaphor or the people behind this are really stupid and clueless. It’s probably both, given the general quality. In the event they try to excuse it because “they couldn’t get him shrunk back down to his normal size” but I call bollocks on that. They have Hank Pym on their side. A man who invented a particle that makes things and people shrink. Couldn’t get him back to normal size my well-toned bum.

The event also ends with a complete anti-climax. There’s weird semi-incestuous stuff with The Invisible Woman & Human Torch. Their new identities are a married couple and the way he carries her when they’re fleeing is super questionable. So, they couldn’t have gotten new identities that were just unrelated? I knew that Bendis had a weird ass incest fetish but I didn’t know there were more people at Marvel with one.

Let’s go on the subject of follow up stories for a moment. When I discussed Secret Wars I mentioned that a lot of good stories came from the event, including the classic symbiont story for Spidey. So, what did we get from this event? A bunch of other horribly written comics, including the notorious One More Day. Thanks, Civil War, for giving us one of the worst Spider-man stories ever written.

Characters:

If I cover how each and every character in this event is taken out of character, we’ll be here for ages. So, instead, I’ll focus on a few of the more egregious examples. Let’s start with Iron Man. A lot of the more evil moves on the part of the pro-registration side come, at least in part, from Tony. He’s involved with the robot Thor débâcle. The Negative Zone prison is partially his idea. The event just consistently portrays him as a fascist . Captain America doesn’t come across as much better. He’s not fighting the good fight for any ideals. He’s just angry because the idiot at the head of SHIELD tried to have him arrested for not enforcing the registration act for them. When Tony tries to talk through things with him, he refuses to listen and acts like an ass. He actively insults people because he doesn’t like their choices. This is Captain America, before Marvel decided he should be a Nazi because modern Marvel is the worst. He should be giving inspirational speeches that have his comrades’ loins swelling with idealism, not throwing a tantrum.

We also have Bishop. I know, Bishop is a weird character to bring up since he’s barely present in the event proper but, for as little as he appears, they manage to royally fuck him up. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Bishop, he’s a time traveller who journeyed to our time from a dystopian future where Mutant registration passed and mutants, as well as other super humans, were rounded up and either killed or forced into camps by Sentinels. Then, with them out of the way, the Sentinels quickly dominated ordinary humans turning everything into a horrific mess. Bishop chose to come back to our time to try and prevent those atrocities from repeating. So, he must see the registration act as a terrifying precursor to this future, right? Maybe, but he decides to join the pro-registration side anyway. Even though it goes against everything he’s ever stood for and everything that’s ever motivated him. Did Mark Millar never read a single issue of the X-men? Or maybe he only read Grant Morrison’s run.

Art:

There are a lot of problems with Steve McNiven’s artwork. The faces look terrible at least half the time. The posing is uncomfortably awkward, including the Human Torch/ Invisible Woman incest flying formation and that panel where She Hulk’s ass talks to you. I don’t imagine that Mark Millar put that in his directions. “Show the siblings flying chest to chest while she makes an ‘o’ face. Make sure She Hulk’s bum is in the foreground talking to us.” The proportions are frequently borked. Morry Hollowell’s colouring has a lot of issues too. The colours of things shift from issue to issue with She Hulk looking olive green sometimes and her regular shade others.

Final Thoughts:

Civil War is an absolute, bloody mess. The writing has holes so massive that Unicron could easily slip through them. Not to mention a whole lot of things that are so massively stupid that you feel a bit dumber just from having read them. The characterisation is garbage. The art looks bad. There is nothing in any of these seven issues that’s remotely redeemable. My final rating is going to stand at a 1/10. This event can go fornicate itself with something long, thick, sandpaper textured and spiky.